A word that stayed in my brain and steep into my soul eversince I learnt of its meaning.
Growing up in a physically and emotionally abusive environment had taught me to be emotionally distant and treat myself like an object and to be useful to others and thus for long, I have felt the burnout and constant tiredness as I ava myself to aid others and not one self.
Though recent years, I had start to take care of myself and follow my heart and do what I love. Constant communication with the one that should shower me with care brings back the traumatic childhood. After all how to be loved by one that grew up without love? But still, I believe years would have taught one to love and see things in a brighter light.
But no, it sadly remains the same.
Not that I am dwelling the past or am about to spiral back to my dark era, its just at times of serenity, I ponder what my life will have turn out if I were just to be in the care of a normal loving family.
But gone are the years when one is to be loved and cherish. For now, I'm an adult whose childhood was filled with abuse and even till now am asked to forget what had happened. But how could one forgo the times where a child's head was slammed into the wall for the deeds others had done and how could one forgo the times where a child's mind have to be filled with unsupported criticizm and negativity that destroy a young one's self esteem.
"To be strong" one will say, "Okay" the other reply.
Nonchalent my mind stays.
But for now, Life I appreciate. A life that I built even with all the downs and the ups. For love, I will continue believe, not the love for one but the love for the world and empathy do I still stand for , and empathy shall I display.
After years of breathing, i've come to realised that another important thing in life that affects ones mood (atleast for myself) is Validation.
The validation for recognition, for the goods that one did and the achievements one have. Set aside any other values of life and set aside the things that those that were born with a gold spoon will have, we all have one common need for " validation " one more so than the other depending on their starting point.
For today, I have realised that by internalizing your own version of "validation" and first validate your own achievements and wellbeing will top any other situation because at the end of the day your soul is contained in your body and really at the end of the day, Though you might not be able to control the events of things.
You can however control how it affects you and in turn how it affects the next course of action you will take,
if you were to read the beginning of my blog post ( when i was 16 or whatsoever ) , you will know that I seek an excessive amount of validation from the outside world and anything and everything else except the validation of my own self.
Fast forward now, I seek validation for what I want to do , to my body, to my soul and to the surroundings that I may or may not have effect on and because of this . I am increasingly experiencing moments of Euphoria without the aid of anything.
" extreme happiness, sometimes more than is reasonable in a particular situation: "
EUPHORIA | English meaning - Cambridge Dictionary
Euphoria is the definition of an emotion of extreme happiness, sometimes more than it is reasonable in a particular situation as defined by dictionary standard.
What is your Euphoria moment ? Mine occurs everytime I travel or experience something new or positive moments with my family or loved ones. Many times, in our daily life, we become so lifeless if we were to carry on our mandatory mundane task and might lost a sense of direction from time to time and it is during this time that we should find some thing that ignite the spark within our soul. Do something healthy that excites you !
Experiencing a euphoric mood can bring intense joy and pleasure, making you feel safe, carefree, supported , and also foster a strong sense of well-being and connection to others and the world. Euphoria are a natural aspect of life, promoting healthy behaviors and personal growth.
So, what is Euphoria to you and how do you induced the state of Euphoria through a healthy mean?
Do you believe that once you change your perspective in life, your life changes?
Just a year plus ago , I was living in a very different lifestyle, a dark place, a time where I lived in neverending toxicity and engage in routine and routine of unhealthy habits consumed with thoughts of just ending my own life and letting my actions take me away from life itself.
But fast forward to now, I am living in a more peaceful environment and striving in ways that I can never imagine and that started when I see life in another different angle, a different perspective.
You see, I used to feel sorry for myself, for all the misfortune that happened to me since I was born, like to passing of my own mother, the abuse that I have sustain during childhood and the neverending series of unfortunate events that follows that lead me into a very very dark place.
But after I change my perspective and view each life events as a lesson and a blessing instead, my life changed. I started to be grateful for things and categorizing life events as modules learn instead of as things that just happen. This helped me to shift my negative mindset into positive and change my character of victimizing myself to be a learner instead.
It caused a chain effect thereafter and I see many possibilities lying around. I felt Hope for the first time and started to see a spark of light in the sea of darkness.
For that I am thankful, for all that I have been through in life as it makes me to become Who I am today and am just generally grateful for being alive and upholding whatever I have now.
Along the way of my life journey, I have made some negative decisions and might have hurt some individuals and for that I am willing to apologize as acceptance is a way of moving forward and gratitude is the action that follows.
So Im ending this post with a Sorry and Thank You for whatever life had bought, bring and to happen in the future.
I love life now, truly but is this life that I love, a Reality or is it just a Delusion ?
I realised our mind is indeed so powerful , a change of perceptions in life could change your physics attribute and your lifestyle totally.
Dream; sometime I frequently mixed up with reality ; TBH, 50% of the time my reality felt like a dream and vice versa, so at times I really don't know am I really living ? OR am I just dreaming ?
I mean , to type out all this words and thoughts right now into my "blog" , is this real ? OR am I dreaming ?
Life is a mystery, so much so like the wonders and infinite questionnaires humans have towards the Universe. Many times I question the current moment too ;
Because dreams felt so much reality and reality felt so much like dream.
ofcourse , the sayings goes, if you wanna check if you are dreaming or not , pinch yourself right ?
I do that often ; but then I will think of the power of our mind and it's effect on pain ; Perhaps when we pinch ourself in our "Dream" , we will feel pain too bcus we know that's the consequence of pinching ourself and that trigger the pain sensor in our nerves with the help of the signals produced our Brain . hahaha
Well; I love blogging my thoughts because the longer the thoughts stay in my mind ; the heavier my brain get and the darker it will cloud my mind ;
Mistakes does not means the end, and perfection exist in no humans.
( Image : Taken during a Children Charity Event, November 2022 )
I don't believe in being the most "perfect" human in order to do good or contribute back to the society.
No matter what one been through , was or were does not define who they are. But rather, ones willingness to change and be a better version of themself each day.
Jealousy is a drug and comparison is the toxin. In this world of social media that fuel comparison, we tend to not show gratitude to what we have and instead loathe on what we doesn't have.
And that truly, is the cause of misery.
Internet, the parent of social media, was born to improve the life of humanity but why does it seems to worsen humanity .
Use it for good, and life improves, use it for bad, and life degrades. So instead of absorbing negative articles and energy from the web and the upcoming web3 , we should instead produce good and positive materials onto the web and bring it forward to the next generation . The one that will be most affected by the progression of the web.
I believe there's goodness that lies within everyone of you.
Use it for good and make a long lasting chain effect .
Social Media or SNS are addictive because they feed us with information.
Humans are born to Crave Knowledge, wisdom and are naturally curious about many things in life.
Why do we log on to social media ?
To catch up on the latest gossip news of celebrity world ?
To get the latest update of the stock market ?
To get the latest hideout / place of interest that you can visit in the near future ?
To kill boredom?
You see, humans are born to be actively searching for a news outlet, an educational outlet, an outlet to let them acquire knowledge .
No matter Good or Bad, Positive or Negative, Truth or Lies. We, as humans just crave information and knowledge.
Why so ?
I believe it is cause as long as we are alive , our brain in running 24/7 and brain consume knowledge as food and thus we just crave news and knowledge.
I believe with the rapid advancement of technology and the rise of social enterprise, we could definitely and with certainty create informative news to feed the mind of all and improve humanity in the process.
It is being your best self and to inspire others to do so too regardless of whatever difficulties one should face.
Leaders need not be the smartest, but we need to be a Life Long Learner, willing to take criticsm, improve themself and learn to work alongside with people and most important use ourself to inspire others.
There are many respective leaders that are honourable to mention in the business, vc and finance , tech world but I will like to mention one that I felt deserve to be named.
RM (stage name), Full name : Kim NamJoon, Leader of BTS.
I will talk about BTS in the future post ; but if you look at my 2018 post I did mention them before and how they help with my depressing time with their music.
RM faced many criticsm being in the Idol / kpop industry as he was from a hiphop background and he left the hiphop world to join the Idol route and even handle the responsibility to lead a team of 6 others in BTS.
Bear in mind that when BTS debuted, he was still in his teenager years however he manage to manage the team with great stability and maturity. He was able to handle internal conflict from time to time and took good responsibility when BTS was out in the eyes of the Public.
In additional based on the wikipedia quoted : " In school, RM scored in the top 1% of the nation in the university entrance examinations for language, math, foreign language and social studies and had an IQ of 148.[11] RM's parents were strongly opposed to his interest in a musical career due to his academic achievements, and initially RM decided to set music aside to focus on his studies. In order to convince his mother to allow him to be a rapper, he asked her if "she wanted to have a son who was a first-place rapper, or a 5,000th-place student" :
He resisted the social norms of studying and go against all odds to make a stand in the world with his songwriting skills which will go on and inspire many others.
Being the first and only one who was fluent in english among the other BTS member ( I believe most of the BTS member are conversational in english now due to their involvement in the US market and more ) , RM helped to facilitate and lead the interviews or any other media discussion , talks and more when it is conducted in english and helped to be the member's translator too. In additional to the basic duties that he have, to uphold his appearance, rmb his dances, song lyrics and more.
This required great interpretation skills and memory skills too, but he have it all.
In additional , in 2018, BTS was invited to speak at a UN conference and RM took the lead and showed great communication and Public Speaking Skills :
With Great Titles come Great Responsibility and RM definitely live up to his title of being the Leader of BTS and being a good Son and brother to his family member, being a great friend to his peers and being a Role model to his fans and onlookers.
Ending off by showing some appreciation to his achievement as an artist quoted from wikipedia :
RM is a baritone.[57] In 2017, American hip-hop magazine XXL included him in its list of "10 Korean Rappers You Should Know", with writer Peter A. Berry stating that "Rap Monster rarely fails to live up to his name". Berry described RM as "one of the region's most dexterous rappers, capable of switching flows effortlessly as he glides across an array of diverse instrumentals".[58] Crystal Tai of the South China Morning Post noted that RM has "received much praise for his natural flow and lyrics". Speaking about RM's work, Noisey's Bianca Mendez wrote that "he's got some My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy [by Kanye West] in him, but he's closer to...Earl Sweatshirt and Chance the Rapper in spirit, and that's exciting".[17] In January 2020, he was promoted from associate to a full member of the Korea Music Copyright Association.[59]
In a survey conducted by Gallup Korea, RM ranked as the 12th most preferred idol of the year for 2018.[60] He ranked 11th in 2019.[61] In 2018, RM was awarded the fifth-class Hwagwan Order of Cultural Merit by the President of South Korea along with the other members of BTS, for his contributions to Korean culture.[62] In July 2021, he was appointed Special Presidential Envoy for Future Generations and Culture by President Moon Jae-in, along with the other members of BTS, to help "lead the global agenda for future generations, such as sustainable growth" and "expand South Korea's diplomatic efforts and global standing" in the international community.[63]
When I was younger , I was hit with Grief from the lost of my Mum and the series of Traumatic events that followed.
Together with regular trigger of Fear of judgement, I was afraid of being not good enough , not pretty enough, not skinny enough, just not good Enough overall .
Growing up, I was constantly abuse not only mentally but also physically by a family member whom I no longer stay with .
I didn't knew this would cause me to develop Dissociative Identity Disorder later on when I grew up.
Though out my adolescent, I further faced bullying for my appearance , betrayal from friends whom I thought were trustable and resulted in me having Anorexia & Anxiety when I was just 15.
As I could no longer handle the tremendous stress but home with a combination of Trauma , I left home to live alone when I was turning 18 and I met friends whom I thought I could trust but they ended up breaking my heart when the trust of mine towards a colleague/friends turned to a physically traumatic event that would haunt my mind forever and that's when I developed an alter ego to help me numb my pain and fight off the negative thoughts I have and also turn to substance abuse as an escape plan.
While juggling school and work at the age of 20, I began to indulge in the world of night life and alcohol and I was just living each day young and reckless with the intent to just die as I felt worthless to the society physically and mentally.
Then covid came and it cleared my mind when I finally decided to seek help from local community after accepting me for whom I am . I decided to no longer be afraid of what I have been through and do what I want the most, to contribute back to society in whatever way I can.
And that is to create a platform to lessen treatment gap and make mental health treatment more assessable.
For years I have been in Denial and the fear of judgment but From now onwards till the Deathbed of mine will I Ever be afraid of anything . Not even Death itself, for if it comes, It comes. We only have one life , so just live it.
To accept your past and trauma is the solution to truly live your life with Hope and Faith.
Technology have been rapidly advancing in the recent years .
Cloud storage have been made so easily accessible . Can we then preserve our memories and personality in cloud storage and live eternally digitally after death ?
AI are used to predict stuff & habits why not use it to store individual memories and character so that the living could communicate with the dead via their digital memory .
Even tho its not the ultimate solution to help lessen the 7 stages of grief upon the passing of a human but it does help to minimize the impact and foster a sense of familiarity to help the living to get through the first few stages of Grief.
Let's all create a life of Eternally offline with Ethical AI.
24th July 2021 is International Self Care Day & this year theme is < Make your self-care promise today > .
Before you take care of other's need, remember to take care of yourself by recharging your mind and body. Take a rest every now and then to rejuvenate yourself for the bright future ahead of you.
Some of self care practices are:
- Finding your "Me-Time" , spend time alone and meditate your mind & soul.
- Start your day early by drinking a glass of warm water and eat a Hearty Breakfast and take a stroll down your nearest park. Absorb the sun and positive vibes.
- Take a break from your burden ; your work, household chore, what ever that's weighing on your shoulder.
- Lastly write down your thoughts/woes and don't keep the weight of the whole world to yourself. You are not alone in this.
Staying kind and lending a helping hand to others, but you have to take care of yourself first before taking care of others.
Took me Months & Years to finally see light in life. It has been a rough and dark journey from birth till now.
Been through lost of parent due to death, friends betrayal, scars from love, work politics and many more have left many scars on myself physically and mentally.
However, with the darkness came light and am thankful for what had happened to me in the past that make me who I am now.
Stronger , happier and am someone full of Hope and Faith.
Found my mission in life that is to shine light in people life that's still dim.
Don't lose hope and faith in life and keep on going.
But in the meantime, help yourself before helping others ! 💜
At times when I felt like giving up with all the weights on my shoulders and burden on my soul . Believe me I felt weak and vulnerable. Throughout the entire quarantine , I started to cleanse my mind and reflect on all that I have done and start to understand the fact that I can't go back to the past & undone my past mistake and instead realize that I should focus on the present and be a better version of myself each day as present is the phenomenal gift from your past.
Every morning you wake up, its a brand new day. A brand new day for you to do what's better for you.
I started to unlock many of my potential which was hidden since I was so focus on my past and destroying my self conscious . Many of my past was wasted with no memories, and now all my present contains all good memories only.
There is still many evil and darkness lingering around. I'm not of my own darkness entirely and I don't think anyone is of much ease to get out of their darkness so easily but I'm doing so one step at a time.
Filtering out my life .
Living the way I know my future me will be thankful of.
Its never too late to start .
Everyone has their own pace in their own life story.
Everyone have a past & everyone have the ability to construct their future.
This is the moment in my life that I rethink of my life choices.
Throughout this 23 years of my life, I have always been living through fear of judgment, failure and many more. And because of certain incident that happened , I lost myself and start to rebel at the age of 22 when it should be the age where one starts to find his or her place in life. I have made many bad choices in life and became the worst version of myself I ever been in terms of personality and mindset. Being naive in the emotions of people, I succumb to the greed of many and suffered badly emotionally and physically. Tho it opens my eyes up to the bad side of the society, I start to rediscover what I really want to achieve in my life, and that is to be beneficial to the society and contribute back to the world and my Dad - the one that been supporting me throughout my life.
Like what Pooja wrote: "Often, when we look back on our past with a newfound perspective, we’re able to re-frame our negative experiences into positive lessons that have shaped the person we are today. Without our experiences, we wouldn’t be blessed with the wisdom we’ve gained because of them."
I decided that instead of living negatively and wasting my life away. I will do my best to embrace my past and transform my life stories into lesson and cultivate them into wisdom for the future self.
"We may believe we don’t have the power to reshape our stories because they are so deeply ingrained into who we are and how we respond to situations, but we do. And when we rewrite our stories, we break free from our past and transform our lives. " Remember, you, as much as anybody in this universe, have the power to change the direction of your future. You just need to be willing to let go of what no longer serves you. All quotes taken from: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-break-free-from-the-past-and-start-feeling-good-enough/
What's life without a little excitement, embarrassment, anger, disappointment, hatred, love and many more of different types of emotions.
After all without emotions, are we even Human?
Without Feelings, are we even Alive?
Emotions motivate us in different aspects of our life, for example anger may make you want to be a better version of yourself to prove someone whom belittle you, wrong. Embarrassment might make you never want to step out of your house and turn you into introvert. Sadness might make your eyes swell up from crying too much. Hatred might cloud your judgement and make your do haste activities.
Emotions cultivate our morale in ways and affect us mentally and physically too.
In this period where everyone across the entire world is under some sort of quarantine, let us all take a breather and calm ourselves down before we engage in any actions motivated by our emotion as many time our emotion heightens when we are closed up in a seclude place.
Im usually not a backpack kind of girl but I love to travel around.
This caused me a lot of troubles as my bag is always to small to fit all my necessity.
But, GastonLuga Bag had totally changed my mind.
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"Maybe I made a mistake yesterday, but yesterday’s me is still me. I am who I am today, with all my faults. Tomorrow I might be a tiny bit wiser, and that’s me, too. These faults and mistakes are what I am, making up the brightest stars in the constellation of my life. I have come to love myself for who I was, who I am, and who I hope to become. " - BTS , RM @ United Nation 2018
Remember to love yourself and embrace your flaws and mistake.
