A word that stayed in my brain and steep into my soul eversince I learnt of its meaning.
Growing up in a physically and emotionally abusive environment had taught me to be emotionally distant and treat myself like an object and to be useful to others and thus for long, I have felt the burnout and constant tiredness as I ava myself to aid others and not one self.
Though recent years, I had start to take care of myself and follow my heart and do what I love. Constant communication with the one that should shower me with care brings back the traumatic childhood. After all how to be loved by one that grew up without love? But still, I believe years would have taught one to love and see things in a brighter light.
But no, it sadly remains the same.
Not that I am dwelling the past or am about to spiral back to my dark era, its just at times of serenity, I ponder what my life will have turn out if I were just to be in the care of a normal loving family.
But gone are the years when one is to be loved and cherish. For now, I'm an adult whose childhood was filled with abuse and even till now am asked to forget what had happened. But how could one forgo the times where a child's head was slammed into the wall for the deeds others had done and how could one forgo the times where a child's mind have to be filled with unsupported criticizm and negativity that destroy a young one's self esteem.
"To be strong" one will say, "Okay" the other reply.
Nonchalent my mind stays.
But for now, Life I appreciate. A life that I built even with all the downs and the ups. For love, I will continue believe, not the love for one but the love for the world and empathy do I still stand for , and empathy shall I display.
