Sound of the breath;

Sound :
something that you can hear or that can be heard;

-SOUND | English meaning - Cambridge Dictionary

Breath :

the air that goes into and out of your lungs;

-BREATH | English meaning - Cambridge Dictionary

those are the textbook definition for "Sound" and "Breath"

but for me those two things represent something much more significant; it represent life itself. 

With every breath I take, I feel the world thru the oxygen I breath in. With every soundwave that hit my eardrum, I felt the vibrance of the world. This two sensory sensation makes me feel alive but in contradictory, these are the two sensory that disturbed me the most in moments when I under the weather.

At times, when the weight of the whole world is on my shoulder, any single specks of sound that tremble my eardrum is a nuisance to me and every breath I breath in suffocates me instead of providing me with the oxygen I need in my lung. 

But so how could the things that makes me feel most alive be the thing that makes me feel most of unliving myself ; till now am I still searching for a reason to it but to tell you the truth, will there ever be a reason to it ? 

You see, I have certain beliefs and perceptions in life. & One of them being that reasons are just excuses and are just something that humans will come up with to make themself feel better. I mean, come on, is there a reason that humans exist in the world ? I don't think so ; 

So will I ever find a reason to my previous queries ? maybe some enlightenment will appear in my life in the future but I don't think I will truly want or even truly be able to find a reason to it;

And it's fine ; just that sometimes I am just curious on why my mind react differently when my emotions are different towards the same action.

Oh well, signing off,

Jingruus