Mentality

 

Hi Everyone its me again .

I'm writing in as my current self , Jingru . Not Jingruus or Michelle but jingru.

It has been awhile but recently I've came to realization on how my mentality have changed since the first time I started blogging till now.

Used to hate the sun , the fact that I could breath.  The fact that I was alive. I used to felt so negative and thought of the worst case scenario in life.

Yes. I had a 9-5 job previously, was studying part time & had 'friends' but I felt like I was living in a shell, an empty body. And my physical body was just my casket. 

I was doing so many meaningless things, engaging in self destruction activity and constant on the urge to end my own life .

But why did I felt that way last time?

I have conclude that I didnt see a future in my life.  I didnt have Hope or Faith. I was Hopeless & Faithless . Couldn't see a savior in humanity or should I say I couldn't see a meaning for humanity to have a Savior?

Fast forward all the traumatic events that I have been thru and seen , life & death included.

I came to realization that life is already very short , we shouldn't make it any shorter .

With every second of breath we take , we have the opportunity to change the world for the better .

To influence for the better good, I started to have hope that humanity can be improve with small little step. 

And I should start to set as an example , meant no more revenge , grudges , and hoping bad karma on people that did me harm.

Instead I should stop the samsara cycle and stop the hatred at my part and hopefully may grace and kindness fill the void of those that do unto harm to me or the others.

I realise the real key is to find Hope & Have Faith in life and that is to Love yourself truly and deeply then you could love the world and help the world be better.

I believe whoever reading this can do so.

Please love yourself , have faith & stay alive.

Regards

Jingru