Just thoughts

You know society changes us sometimes even if we refuses to admit. It still does change us to an extend.
In good or bad , it still does. No matter how much i think about it. I still hated it . I hated the fact that i let it sink in to my mind.  I hated that i let it in my heart . Letting it overtaking my own feelings and thought.
From self loving to self hatred. Within a few years from the first breath i took in, i let it absorb me .
Engross to every unreal truth, to become the person i am now.
It entices me to end the life of the offspring my parents gave to , me .
How could on society , one person , one world change someone to such an extend.
Times i hated this life. 
I hated to live
I hated the sun , the light , the noise , the sound of me breathing and knowing that i am alive.
I hated seeing people, talking, to even opening my eyes.
I hated the fact that i had to survive as though is not that i wanted but is what my brain tell me to. Logically. Rightfully. "you have to live and repay your dads effort of supporting you." ya thats the kind of voice that make me survive each minute and hours. But many times my other voices takes over me "youre such a disgrace , you shouldnt even being born , all you done is wrong and right is nothing of your doing. " thats the voice belonging to the host of my brain.
Butbut
Being alive is a gift not only god gave to you but your parents too m everyone is born for a reason. And you too so stay on and hold on to any faith and the reason that keep you alive.